Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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