I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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