...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
