It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
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i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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