If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
