It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
