This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
