he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
