She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
