his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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