Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
