My nipple is on Facebook.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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