Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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