I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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