She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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