youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your cock deserves a montage
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
