If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
