Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
