false alarm. still invincible.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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