I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
