Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the day after is always just damage control
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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