I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
