I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
