so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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