I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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