I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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