I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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