and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
