K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
