the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
