I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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