You just made me feel so damn special
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize