pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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