Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
