Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
