when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
