There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
