his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
