I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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