he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
