So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
