i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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