it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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