I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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