it was like his penis was on wheels.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
