I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
