My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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