Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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