I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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