If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
