I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
