Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
