Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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