A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
