Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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