my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
