I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
