Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
