Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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