you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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