i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
