I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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