So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
