Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
