walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
