belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
