I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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