Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
