I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
