I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
