How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
