every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
