i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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