Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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