Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
