Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
