He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
